Divorce is one of life’s most stressful experiences. In bad divorces acute stress can last for years and follow long the official divorce is over. It has serious implications for both mental health and all stress related illnesses and the stress can extend beyond the divorcing couple to injure their children as well. So it is reasonable to ask whether all this stress is necessary and whether there are steps that divorcing people can take that can reduce the stress associated with their divorces. The answer is an unqualified YES. Divorcing people can dramatically reduce divorce related stress by choosing the way they divorce with care and forethought.
Monthly Archives: October 2012
People often feel concerned when close friends or relatives announce that they are getting divorced. What do I say? How do I help? What can I do? We all want to offer support when loved ones are going through a crisis. But divorce seems to be one of those difficult issues in which well-intentioned people are not sure how to help. In this column I want to talk about what you can do and what you shouldn’t do. Continue reading
Over the years, I have written several books on divorce and achieving a healthy, fair divorce for you and your spouse. My latest book is titled Negotiating the Good Divorce, How to Divorce with Grace, a Little Class, and a Lot of Common Sense, and I have decided to offer as a free download for you here on my website. For now, individual chapters are available in PDF format. Kindle and eBook versions are in the works. Continue reading
It is in the field of divorce that the image of lawyers finds its most odious expression and where legal training is most disabling and counterproductive. Divorce lawyers have a terrible reputation among the lay public for being cynical, indifferent to suffering and greedy for ever-larger legal fees. There are, of course, divorce lawyers who do not fit this stereotype. But, in over thirty years in the field I have met more who do fit it than ones who do not. It is not that divorce law attracts amoral people. In fact, some of the most sensitive of students I met in law school were attracted to “family law” where they thought they could help families.
Co-parenting in divorce has become an increasingly attractive and sought after arrangement. In contrast to the conventional sole custody in which the mother typically has all the responsibility for the children and has the children with her most of the time, co-parenting emphasizes an equal or nearly equal role for fathers. Co-parenting fathers have the children with them for more overnights and play a larger role in the many tasks associated with parenting, tasks such as clothes shopping, extra curricular activities and homework. Today, the majority of mothers are employed full time and the simple logistics of two career couples require co-parenting. It is too exhausting to have a full time job as well as all the responsibility for raising the children. So divorcing couples are moving to co-parenting out of simple necessity and the need to survive.