Tag Archives: divorce lawyers

Do You Need Divorce Consultation?

For most people divorce is a scary and confusing process. Law, lawyers and courts seem intimidating. You worry if you and your children will be alright.  You hear the horror stories as well-meaning but ill-advised friends and relatives vie to give you advice.  But most of this advice is destructive as it eggs you on to fight. You’re encouraged to find an “aggressive lawyer” who will protect your “rights.” So if you are like most people you eventually hire a lawyer about whom you know very little. You pay a large retainer and become a client. Then you wait.  The process crawls along with one adjournment and delay after another and you wait some more.  Calls to your lawyer are often unanswered or returned days later. You begin to feel helpless and out of control.

This rather extreme picture doesn’t happen to everybody but it happens to many.

If you are caught up in this you wonder how it happened. What would you have had to do to obtain a better outcome? What would you have to do to grab control of your divorce now? If only you had a better understanding of how it all works. If only you had someone who understood the system who could advise you and help you feel more in control. So where to turn?

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Divorce Mediation in North Carolina

Readers of this blog who are interested in using mediation in their own divorces are cautioned that discussions with divorce attorneys may prove completely misleading. That is because the North Carolina courts and bar association have created a version of “mediation” that bears little resemblance to the real thing.  I have met many clients who went for a consult with an attorney, asked about mediation and were told, “Don’t worry, we do mediation as part of the litigation process.” So I though it time to explain the difference between what I shall call “real mediation” and “phony mediation.”

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Managing the Stress of Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most stressful experiences. In bad divorces acute stress can last for years and follow long the official divorce is over. It has serious implications for both mental health and all stress related illnesses and the stress can extend beyond the divorcing couple to injure their children as well. So it is reasonable to ask whether all this stress is necessary and whether there are steps that divorcing people can take that can reduce the stress associated with their divorces. The answer is an unqualified YES. Divorcing people can dramatically reduce divorce related stress by choosing the way they divorce with care and forethought.

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