Tag Archives: healthy divorce

Divorce and the American Legal System: a Poor Fit

It is in the field of divorce that the image of lawyers finds its most odious expression and where legal training is most disabling and counterproductive. Divorce lawyers have a terrible reputation among the lay public for being cynical, indifferent to suffering and greedy for ever-larger legal fees. There are, of course, divorce lawyers who do not fit this stereotype. But, in over thirty years in the field I have met more who do fit it than ones who do not. It is not that divorce law attracts amoral people. In fact, some of the most sensitive of students I met in law school were attracted to “family law” where they thought they could help families.

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Co-Parenting after Divorce

Co-parenting in divorce has become an increasingly attractive and sought after arrangement. In contrast to the conventional sole custody in which the mother typically has all the responsibility for the children and has the children with her most of the time, co-parenting emphasizes an equal or nearly equal role for fathers. Co-parenting fathers have the children with them for more overnights and play a larger role in the many tasks associated with parenting, tasks such as clothes shopping, extra curricular activities and homework. Today, the majority of mothers are employed full time and the simple logistics of two career couples require co-parenting. It is too exhausting to have a full time job as well as all the responsibility for raising the children. So divorcing couples are moving to co-parenting out of simple necessity and the need to survive.

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Divorce and Affairs

From the perspective of a mediator, extra marital affairs often generate challenges that make it more difficult to help couples achieve fair and amicable settlements. I thought it would be interesting to discuss why that is and to look at some of the problems raised by affairs when negotiating marital settlements. Continue reading

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