SAM’S BLOG

Should I Fire My Lawyer

About half of divorcing people report that they are unhappy with their lawyers. Some are so unhappy that they fire their lawyer and hire another one. And some of those people find that they are just as unhappy with the new lawyer. There are even a few poor souls who...

Filing Comes Last

Few things are more disappointing than finding out that your divorce really didn’t solve very much. You have endured all the changes required, adapted to smaller housing, are not seeing your kids every day, have tighter budgets, fewer resources and the rigors of...

Conflict Resolution After Divorce

Few things are more disappointing than finding out that your divorce really didn’t solve very much. You have endured all the changes required, adapted to smaller housing, not seeing your kids every day, tighter budgets, fewer resources and the rigors of trying to...

Framing The Decision to Divorce

I am frequently consulted by people who have decided to divorce but are procrastinating because they feel guilty about ending the marriage. I also see many couples in which the partner who doesn't want the divorce chides the one who is initiating with the question:...

Another Lawyer Hustle

Robert and Kim were getting divorced. They were generally amicable and had discussions on most of their issues. They were in an agreement that they would have equal joint custody of their two children. They agreed that their assets should be split equally and that the...

Alimony For Men

Twenty years ago it was almost unheard of for a husband to get alimony, but now it is no longer so unusual. In about one third of two income couples, women earn more than their husbands. In a few cases the wife is wildly successful and out earns her husband...

Divorce and Affairs

From the perspective of a mediator, extra marital affairs often generate challenges that make it more difficult to help couples achieve fair and amicable settlements. I thought it would be interesting to discuss why that is and to look at some of the problems raised...

Lawyers and Unnecessary Pain

Although I am not a great fan of divorce lawyers, I generally do not go out of my way to vilify them. I think that their organizational and professional culture is essentially destructive. They have inherited a system that is a poor fit with its task of disassembling...

Do You Need Divorce Consultation?

For most people divorce is a scary and confusing process. Law, lawyers and courts seem intimidating. You worry if you and your children will be alright. You hear the horror stories as well-meaning, but ill-advised friends and relatives vie to give you advice. But most...

Six Symptoms of Impending Divorce

The next time you are in a restaurant look for the sad couple eating dinner in silence. They make little or no eye contact and have little or no conversation. They are completely disengaged and are simply enduring the meal until they can finish and leave. That’s a...

Divorce is Not Just About Law

One of the most pervasive and unfortunate myths about divorce is that it is essentially a legal matter. For most people considering divorce, the first step appears to be to find a lawyer to tell you about “your rights.” So, the first stop is for a consultation with a...

Good divorce vs. Bad divorce

To understand the differences between a good divorce and bad divorce requires a distinction between the two things: the fact of the divorce and the way of the divorce. The first refers to the losses that usually accompany the end of a marriage. There are inevitable...

The Do-It-Yourself Divorce

I have long been convinced that with a few scalpels and clamps that I could remove my own appendix in a pinch. But that conviction does not mean that it is a good idea to attempt, nor does it mean I could survive the operation. And so it goes with many of life’s tasks...